An eye for an eye?
The Domestic Violence Act has brought hope for women in relationships. But can mutual violence be curbed?
When the Domestic Violence Act was passed nearly two months back, women in live-in relationships felt assured that male chauvinism could be restrained. But what happens when a male chauvinist meets a female chauvinist!
Things might just get awry. While many cases of violence in livein relationships go unreported due to the fear of social unacceptability, the disturbing trend of educated men beating up their live-in partners is on the rise. What is stranger is that in many cases, both the partners are adding fuel to the fire, instead of dousing it.
Here are some examples Ina Goswamy fell in love with Sanjeev while the two were studying at Hyderabad Central University. Three years later, Ina has walked out of the relationship.”In the last three months, Sanjeev started beating me over trivial issues, at home and on the street. The conflicts took place because neither of us subscribed to the other’s beliefs. Once I, too, slapped him when we were amidst friends,” confides Ina.
Another similar situation Mangala Shekhar started living in with *Rajiv Kulkarni after they met each other on the net. After more than two years into the relationship, recently Rajiv hit Mangala, giving her a black eye. Known to be a passive person, Rajiv says,”Things got overboard when Mangala started making immature interpretations of situations, and portrayed me as a male chauvinist before every possible person. Once she ran out of the house and started shouting that I abuse her.” Mangala defends herself, saying,”Rajiv just can’t believe in my fidelity, and I dont like that.” Under such circumstances, when the Act seems to protect only women, men are beginning to feel vulnerable. Also, questions here arise on how the Act can curb violence at home.
Its unfair to ask one partner to remain silent for the sake of maintaining peace in a relationship. But many live-in relationships are entering troubled waters due to decreasing levels of tolerance in both partners, according to V Sandhya of progressive organisation of women. Relationships counsellors like Parvathy Reddy are of the view that partners should make it clear that violence is not the solution. “For instance, when Ina hit back at Sanjeev, she sent a message that violence begets violence. But she should have quit without hitting back.”
Ironically, live-in partners tolerate acts of violence due to the presumption that the guy or girl actually loves, despite occasional moments of rudeness.”The fear of the vacuum that Rajivs absence would create, had checked me from walking out of the relationship. But now, I feel sick thinking that I had given my body and soul to a person who was so conceited,” contemplates Ina. “Such feelings can be easily avoided if partners explain their case patiently, instead of resorting to violence,” explains Parvathy.
Should the Domestic Violence Act then be complemented by awareness about mutual passivity in a relationship? Siddama, Joint Director, Women and Child Welfare Department agrees. “Disturbingly, even educated couples are resorting to domestic violence. The Act is undoubtedly necessary, but making people aware about the benefits about maintaining peace in a relationship will help curb the problem of domestic violence from the root,” she says.