Child Sexual Abuse (Text Format)

FPJ – OPED – Child Sexual Abuse 

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Child Sexual Abuse 

 

November 19th is the World Day for Prevention of Child Abuse. Arpan, an NGO shows how to make this day a call for action to increase prevention measures and protective skills, raise public awareness and encourage denunciation of abuse.

 

Children are often vulnerable to abuse, be it physical, verbal, emotional or sexual.

1 in every 5 girls & 1 in every 7 boys are sexually abused!

 

The abuser is often a family member, close relative, friend or neighbour, a person who is more knowledgeable than the child and is trusted by the child.

 

Child Sexual Abuse affects the child negatively, causing many ill effects, such as:
Fear, shock and confusion	Shame, guilt and anger
Constant illnesses	Social withdrawal
Future exploitative relationships	Inappropriate sexualised behaviour
“WE need to talk about Child Sexual Abuse for PREVENTION and CURE because children can’t!” Pooja Taparia, Founder, Arpan

 

 

Aware Parents and Children Can Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse

Recognizing an abusive situation is a skill for both parents and children which can help them stay away from such situations. Understanding the concept of ‘Good Touch – Bad Touch’ is the first building block to this.

 

J Good Touch J	L Bad Touch L
Anything that makes us feel good and leaves us happy and comfortable	Anything that makes us feel bad, confused and leaves us uneasy, excited or uncomfortable
Holding hands with friends, sharing meals, warm hug from loving parents	Touches involving our special parts that are private to us, touches that are to be kept secret

 

 

 

If our child  becomes a victim of sexual abuse:

Step 1:  Recognise that the child has been sexually abused

Step 2:  Help  the child talk about this experience

Step 3:  Seek professional support to help the child heal

 

Step 1: Recognising that the child has been sexually abused

Most children don’t report abuse, so parents need to understand abuse based on children’s behavioural changes.

 

No single behaviour alone determines that a child has been sexually abused. Some of the behavioural changes that children elicit after undergoing sexual abuse are as follows:

 

Social Withdrawal	Repeated urinary infections
Hostility or aggression	Unexplained pain swelling in genital area
Passive or overly pleasing behaviour	Hints, indirect comments about the abuse
Drop in academic performance	Use of abusive sexual language
Eating disorders, anxiety, depression	Sexualized behaviour
Suicide attempts	Sexual activity at an early age

 

These behavioural changes MAY be indicative of sexual abuse, but are NOT necessarily a result of sexual abuse, there could be other factors as well.

 

Step 2: Helping the child talk about abuse

Talking about the trauma of sexual abuse is the first step to recovering from it.

It is, however, important to first understand why they don’t talk about sexual abuse themselves, and what enables them to talk about it sometimes later.

 

Why They Don’t Talk

·                     “Mummy and Daddy won’t believe me!” ·                     “I don’t even know how to say what happened, I just feel weird about it” ·                      “Uncle didn’t really mean to be bad to me or did he?” ·                      “My teacher might fail me if I tell mommy” ·                     “I am scared, Uncle told me not to tell anyone, it’s a secret.” ·                     Age of the child

 

Why They Talk, Eventually

·                     Awareness and understanding of the abuse ·                     Discussion with an understanding adult with whom they are comfortable ·                     Inability to bear the abuse anymore ·                     Physical illnesses following sexual abuse ·                     Secure adult relationships that provide confidence to deal with prior trauma ·                     Revelation during therapy for any other reason ·                     Desire to prevent abuse of other children

 

 

When children finally do talk about abuse,

it’s very important to handle it carefully.

Rule # 1: Remember that the child is not at fault.

Rule # 2: Make sure the child understands Rule # 1.

 

Tips to handle disclosure…

·  Keep calm

·  Believe the child

·  Listen to the child

·  Answer the child’s questions honestly

·  Respect the child’s privacy

·  Give positive messages: “I know you could not help it” or “I am proud of you for telling”

·  Report the abuse

·  Arrange a medical exam

·  Get professional help

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DON’Ts

·         Don’t blame the child

·         Don’t panic or overreact

·         Don’t pressurise the child to talk

·         Don’t confront offender in child’s presence

·        Don’t make the child repeat the story

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Disclosure is difficult for children. It may be months, years or even never, for a victim to talk about sexual abuse. Be patient and supportive.

 

Step 3:  Seeking professional support to help the child heal

 

Sexually abused children often feel guilt, anger, sadness, shame and confusion.

Child sexual abuse is NOT the child’s fault – but the child doesn’t understand that. Make sure you do!

 

This is where professional counselling helps the child and the family:

·        Makes the child realise that the abuse is NOT his/her fault

·        Encourages the child to feel good about himself/herself

·        Develops the child’s self esteem and re-builds his/her self confidence

·        Creates a social support structure for the child to fall back upon

·        Minimises focus on the traumatic past abuse, and enables the child to move on and heal

·        Helps the family to handle the child’s emotions and in tackling sexual abuse

·        Helps to see the abuse as an incident in the child’s life and the need to think beyond that and move on with life

 

One NGO who provides professional help and support in dealing with all stages of support for Child Sexual Abuse, ranging from counselling to legal steps is Arpan, an informal body of volunteers, who have compiled this article.

 

Contacts:

Pushpa Venkatraman, Counsellor, Email: pushpa@arpan.org.in   Phone: 98693-32886

Pooja Taparia, Founder, Arpan Email: pooja@arpan.org.in 

Address: 10 Arun Building, 3^rd floor, 34 Narayan Dabholkar Road, Mumbai 400 006