Helping the child talk about this experience
About the trauma of sexual abuse is the first step to recovering from it.
Before encouraging the child to talk however, it is important to first understand why they dont talk about sexual abuse themselves, and what enables them to talk about it sometimes later.
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Why They Dont Talk |
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· Mummy and Daddy wont believe me! · I dont even know how to say what happened, I just feel weird about it · Uncle didnt really mean to be bad to me or did he? · My teacher might fail me if I tell mommy · I am scared, Uncle told me not to tell anyone, its a secret. · Age of the child. |
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Why They Talk, Eventually |
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· Awareness and understanding of the abuse. · Discussion with an understanding parent or other adult with whom they are comfortable. · Inability to bear the abuse anymore. · Physical illnesses following sexual abuse. · Secure adult relationships that provide confidence to deal with prior trauma · Revelation during therapy for any other reason · Desire to prevent abuse of other children |
When children finally do talk about abuse, its very important to handle it carefully.
Rule # 1: Remember that the child is not at fault.
Rule # 2: Make sure the child understands Rule # 1.
Other rules in handling disclosure
· Keep calm
· Believe the child
· Listen to the child
· Answer the childs questions honestly
· Respect the childs privacy
· Give positive messages: I know you could not help it or I am proud of you for telling
· Report the abuse
· Arrange a medical exam
· Get professional help
It is of utmost importance to keep open communication channels and have a good constant rapport with the child.
DON’T
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Blame the child
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Panic or overreact
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Pressure the child to talk
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Confront offender in childs presence
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Make the child repeat the story
Remember, disclosure is difficult for children. It may be days, months, years or even never, for a victim to talk about sexual abuse. Be patient and supportive.