DNA: Younger the better, think Indian adoptive parents: August 01, 2008

Adoption has gained acceptance in Indian society in the past few years, but most couples still prefer infants. According to adoption agencies, children above the age of 3 find it difficult to get Indian parents. Thankfully, for millions of children languishing in the country’s orphanages, this isn’t the case with NRI adoptive couples who do not have such inhibitions.

Adoption agencies say parents are prejudiced against older children because they feel such children will find it difficult to fit in. “Most of the older children have pasts that adoptees do not know of. Many such children have also experienced trauma and abuse,” says Madhuri Abhyankar, director of social services, Society of Friends of the Sassoon Hospitals (SOFOSH).

NGOs are, however, optimistic and believe that sooner or later Indian couples will change their mindset. Roxana Kalyanvala, executive director, Bhartiya Samaj Seva Kendra, says,

“The concept of adoption has been around in the West for some time. Indian adoptive parents have started looking beyond the colour of the child’s skin and small physical deformities. Slowly but surely, they will change their view about older children too.”

According to rules laid down by the Central Adoption Resource Agency (CARA), couples with a maximum combined age of 90 years — given that neither parent is older than 45 years — can adopt a child who is less than a year old. In the case of adoption of older children, the age of the parents is relaxed accordingly. The upper age limit for an adopted child is 12 years while for an adoptive parent it is 55 years.

“We advise parents who are above that age of 45 to adopt an older child. Mostly, those who are willing to adopt older children are not first time parents,” says Kalyanvala.

“It is usually difficult for a woman to conceive after the age of 40,” says Abhyankar. “Older couples should adopt older children as they are comparatively easy to look after.” However, couples must be extra careful with the child during the initial three of four years, she says.

Parents must have realistic expectations from the child. They should not only give the child his/her freedom but should also make the child feel comfortable so as to encourage interaction. Parents can initiate the bonding process with the child by showing him/her family photographs.
The agony of waiting

Though older children get adopted at some point of time, roughly five percent children do not find a home and have to be transferred elsewhere. “Most of these children have to be sent to remand homes. The children from adoption agencies find it difficult to adjust there as they also house juveniles charged with various crimes, including robbery and stabbing,” says Jyoti Ronghe, an independent Pune-based adoption consultant.

“Once children leave our agency, we cannot keep track or even stay in touch with them,” says Abhyankar. “This makes the children feel all the more lonely and depressed.” Moreover, seeing younger children find new homes and parents is psychologically tough on the older children. “As a result, they fantasise and make up stories about their ‘parents’ coming to meet them. Many older children see their nannies or social workers as their parents,” she says.
Where the law stands

According to CARA, adoption means the process through which the adopted child is permanently separated his or her biological parents and becomes the legitimate child of his adoptive parents with all the rights, privileges and responsibilities that are attached to the relationship. It also states that as far as possible, a child should be placed in adoption before it reaches the age of 12. In case of a child above 6 years of age, his consent should be taken for adoption. The minimum age difference of the adoptive parents and child should be 21 years or more.

Most importantly, CARA also stresses on the fact that children should beprepared for the placement. Older children should see photographs of thefamily and counselling for the childis essential.

Under Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection of Children) Act (2000 amended in 2006), a child of either sex can be given in adoption by the court to a person irrespective of his/her marital status and number of biological or adopted children.