December 11, 2006
Bonita Baruah | TNN
That about sums up the position most parents find themselves in these days. Call it the trickle-down effect of peer pressure.
Parents cry this is a completely different world: not so long ago, a gift of books was welcomed by teenagers, but today, its CD players, iPods, digicams and expensive phones. And theres no end to it: you give them something, its outdated a week later, and they want a replacement. They have to keep up….
The car you own determines your worth in your childrens eyes today, says Delhi-based executive Puja Sharma. Keeping up with teenage daughter Mallikas endless demands is more tiring than her job. There was a stand-off for weeks before she gave in and bought her a cellphone.
I know I shouldnt be giving in even if I can afford it, but saying no is so difficult.
Who is to blame if things go awry? At Sanjivini, a counselling service, they believe the onus lies squarely on parents. Its the age of instant gratification. Parents also play the game: they tell their children if you get good marks, well get you a mobile, says Nivedita Singh, chairperson. While bringing up kids is definitely a challenge today, parents should teach children how to delay gratification. Things like iPods, internet, mobiles have become the support system for kids, taking the place of human contact. They feel content when they get these, she says.
Parents in other cities arent having it easy either. Says Swati Guha, who lives in Bangalore and has two sons aged 14 and 11: I dont think we should be giving in to their demands, but my husband ends up doing so. My elder son first wanted a GameBoy, but now after getting an i-Pod, that lies forgotten. These are expensive products which he gets bored with very soon. He doesnt realise that not many have what he has. In Kolkata, Shipra Banerjee, an ex-bank employee, complains: My son Kaustav is just 18 and among his many needs, is a motorbike. I have put off buying one till now, but I dont know for how long. There is tremendous pressure on me in the form of emotional blackmail. Singh explains the parent-trap simply: Because needs are looked after, children think nothing of it. Now they want their wants addressed.
Kaustav also wants to go for late nights at discos and parties because it is hip to do so. Trying to be strict with her sons aspirations ultimately boils down to bouts of severe fights followed by prolonged periods of cold wars. Apart from keeping a strict watch on him, what can I do? Singhs reply: Make sure they dont get everything easily. Easier said than done?
WITH INPUTS FROM SHARMISHTA KOUSHIK, BANGALORE AND JHIMLI MUKHERJEE PANDEY, KOLKATA